American Son-in-law

I have not changed my opinion about Pia’s ouster. Yes, she’s on the boring side – I’ve said so myself. She can make a 1.5 minute song sound interminable, and a lot of that boils down to song choice.

Song choice – you know – that thing few if any of the contestants this year had a chance to do? It’s normal enough for Idol to pretend to have a huge range of choices but only give the contestants a limited list and refuse to clear other songs, and then get criticized because they “chose” the wrong one out of a hat or something. But this year, it looks like the kids are being handed songs.

They made a show this week of having two people choose a second song, and allowing James do one he’s been working on for five years, as if to convince us that these kids really do have choices. And maybe this week they did. There’s no way of knowing.

But we’ve heard Pia sing uptempo songs, and even do some dancing, and she’s been fine. Fun, even, with her pretty voice revealing personality and charm. She completely won us over on group night, remember?

So, how come she was boring during the live show? Jennifer has been telling her to move for WEEKs – she consistently gave Pia constructive criticism, and Pia doesn’t strike me as stupid. Yet, JUST like Scotty, she basically sang the same song, maybe a little faster, every week, hitting every note and showing her power and range but just standing there. Well, Scotty doesn’t just stand there. He leans and smirks, but you get the idea. And he’s told he’s doing just fine as he is. Which he is, so there’s nothing to fix.

I…really have no idea – was she discouraged by the “mentors”? Did her pageant training have such a strong hold on her? Was she really just as cold as Thia was? Something doesn’t feel right to me.

Now, I’m hearing that it’s the fault of the judges – they didn’t JUDGE. They didn’t give us any idea of who had a good performance or not. Except, they have and they did. To me, Jennifer’s criticism was judging – “She’s good. She needs to work on this or that, but she has potential.” And while Steven is a useless marshmallow, Randy has said things that were lukewarm instead of glowing. That’s why Naima went home, after all.

Or it’s the fault of the viewers – those teen-age girls and their moms all want the cute guys. Teen-age girls aren’t actually Idol anymore – none of the songs are current and neither are the singers. There have been studies of the demographics. So it’s all the ladies MY age who are voting for the cute boys.

This…is extremely possible. All of the safe, cuddly guys (yes, David Cook, much as I love you, you came across as very talented, which you are, and smart, which you are, but also safe and nice and sweet. Look how you took care of Archie when he was Huffed! Won my heart.) Kris was cute and little and married and white and straight, and made songs from “dangerous” people like Kanye safe too. Lee was shy and self-effacing and didn’t have stories about being homeless or bad teeth or dreadlocks, and he was all cooperation and there was nothing dangerous about him at all. But they all felt warm and connected.

American Idol voters like…oh, my goodness. They’re not voting for their own boyfriends. Most of these women are much older and many are married or done with marriage and they’re not looking for young boys for THEMSELVES. These are the boys they want to date their DAUGHTERS (even if they’re actually married.) They’re not voting for boyfriends. They’re voting for SONS-IN-LAW.

Clearly, no woman can fit that role, nor can a gay man.

Now, this isn’t 100%, or Adam or Crystal could not have gotten to runner-up, and Danny Gokey might have won – vocal ability/being interesting on stage are still important if not vital – but it’s a major factor. I wonder – if American Idol found a girl singer who fits what the majority of viewers want as a daughter-in-law (no dreads, no tattoos, no babies, but not cold, and probably safe, too), might she win? Jordin kinda fits. Carrie, too. So does Lauren, I think, but she’s very young.

So, who will be America’s next son-in-law? James doesn’t work. He’s a hard rock singer, he’s an unwed father and he has neurological conditions that make him seem immature. Jacob doesn’t seem the marrying kind. Stefano’s sweet, though, and Casey’s adorable, and Paul – Paul is appealing to the older women, but there’s something off about him. And Scotty looks so young, but he’s so wholesome and has that comforting masculine voice. And the little girls who DO watch love him.

Either way, we will once again have only one female in the top 5 – if we’re lucky. No one wants Haley to marry their daughters.

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About mamadeb

I'm a devoted fan of Adam Lambert, but also of cooking, knitting, science fiction and pretty anything pop culture. I'm @_mamadeb on Twitter.
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