American Idol Top 5 Results

I think this show is mostly filler. In fact, let me get that out of the way first.

The group song is “Happy Together” and it’s terrible – no harmonies and poor singing. The Ford commercial is something to do with magic and cgi. There are TWO pointless spots about Gordon Ramsey and the top five – one where they make omelets (and Lauren and Jacob win) and one with a blind taste test where it turns out both hate tofu.

And now I’m going to take a moment to defend Gordon. Because he’s taken a very unfair rap for what happened the night he ate Stefano’s mom’s food. Ryan handed Gordon a Tupperware of cold, homemade leftovers. Gordon HATES dishonesty. It’s about the biggest firing offense in his kitchens. He also is quite the mama’s boy and respects all mothers. So he’s handed food that probably doesn’t taste that wonderful to him (as I said, cold leftovers) and he’s trying to be honest without hurting Mrs. Longone’s feelings, and Ryan puts him on the spot, so he ends up saying it’s “fine” instead of “wonderful.” It was not a fair position to put him OR Mrs. Langone.

Anyway, Lady Antebellum sings a country song, and Jennifer Lopez lipsyncs (on tape) her song from the video that debuted only a few weeks ago on this show (btw, Ryan also helped Steven pimp his book and Randy his bake sale. One of those things is a joke.) and then they showed a few moments from her newer video.

Like last week, each contestant, as they’re called out by Ryan, gets a taped critique from Jimmy Iovine. The first to be called out is James. And Jimmy says that a great artist is one who can control his emotions (exactly what I said), and that while he normally gives James a nine or a ten, last night was an eight. I’m not going to quibble with numbers – what he said was that James gave a relatively poor performance. James is placed on the far side of the stage.

Lauren is called next, and Jimmy says her lack of confidence caused her to pull back when she should have gone big, and he wouldn’t be surprised to see her in the bottom two. (This is top five – there is no bottom three.) She’s already upset when she’s placed in the near side.

After filler, Ryan calls up Jacob. Jimmy says both songs were slightly off for him. He’s placed next to Lauren.

Then it’s Haley’s turn, and she gets cheered. Jimmy says that she was taking risks and that they paid off – that she came through like a lioness and won the night. Ryan puts her next to James.

This means that Scotty is the Huff. Jimmy thinks that, win or lose, Scotty will have an extraordinary career.

Even before Ryan says he’s safe (which he is), Scotty begins to protest that he can’t and won’t choose and to please not make him do this. So Ryan just leads him to the other safe ones – James and Haley. They should just retire this. The last person to choose was Adam, and the less said about that evening, the better.

This means that Lauren and Jacob are bottom two, and Lauren is safe. Jacob sings us out.

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About mamadeb

I'm a devoted fan of Adam Lambert, but also of cooking, knitting, science fiction and pretty anything pop culture. I'm @_mamadeb on Twitter.
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