I know. I skipped one.
Our nine remaining singer-songwriters have to write a rap song. This has all the potential of a trainwreck, and, indeed, it is one.
I am not really a rap fan, so I’m no judge on what’s good and what’s bad, but I’ll do my best. Especially since the real plot of this episode is that A. Scotty hates Jackie and B. Johnny likes Jes. By which I mean, Johnny LIKES Jes. And Jes, in return, LIKES Johnny. (I’m pretty sure it’s Jes, not Jackie or Amber. Dark-haired young women with bangs…And Jes was hatless, I think.)
The theme of the rap, because it’s not enough that they have to write a rap hook, but it also has to have a theme, is “super powers”. The top three are, in reverse order, Jackie’s, which is a comedy song about how her power is to be an inappropriate rapper, Sonyae’s (she has a heart made of steel, impervious to pain, so she makes the boys cry, and no longer needs waterproof mascara. I say this because that line was my favorite in the hook) and apparently, Johnny can walk through walls to have the best one.
He picks first and he picks Scotty. Sonyae gets Nick because while she thinks he’s an unpleasant person, they work well together. Jackie picks Brian because he’s good with music. Johnny then picks Jes because, well. Yeah. Scotty is kinda less than pleased because if they’re in the bottom, Johnny’s going to aim that bus right to HIM.
Amber is now praying that she gets picked next because she doesn’t feel Jackie’s hook at all. Of course, Sonyae picks Miranda, so. Yeah. They hug, anyway.
The teams work together. Jackie’s team goes along the comedy line, with Amber tossing out lines and Brian providing a sort of 40s dowop melody that furthers the incongruity. I like incongruity, so I like that.
Sonyae and Nick’s sparks create something or other.
But most, Jes and Johnny are cute and Scotty is amused – and they create a song anyway.
Come time to perform – the judges are Keith Naftaly (record exec) and Rodney Jerkines, who has worked with the best. (And now I’m wondering about something. Current music news says that Jive will soon cease to exist. The prize is a contract with Jive. So, that’s confusing.)
Johnny’s song is rather cool, with real performances and an operatic riff that works very well (even with the sweet faced guy trying to be Eminem. The only thing I remember about Sonyae’s is that she calls herself “Mrs. Makes-the-boys-cry” even though the title is “Miss”. It distracted me. She also left out the line about mascara. And I liked Jackie’s silliness with canopy beds and MyLittle Pony references. And Amber looked lovely and unique in a dress with her hair up.
Since I am no judge about any of this, Johnny and Sonyae are the top finishers, the record exec says that with a little work, Sonyae could have a hit (Sonyae, as it turns out, is wearing a combination of necklace and earrings – several fine chains that connect to her ears. Also distracting) and Johnny wins.
Scotty says nasty things about Jackie while they wait for her group to be raked over the coals. Because that’s who Nick is, although the others disagree and think she’s nice, not evil. They do agree that Jackie talks a lot. Like all the time and at length. My sister in spirit.
This will be the second time that Jackie has written a top three hook but a losing song. And the judges make it clear that while there is a big place in rap for comedy, this song will never be part of that. It was not going to be hit ever. Jackie was, of course, trying to make a point that rap is not her thing, and ran with it because that’s what she thought they wanted and also because it’s true. And she was telling them that. I don’t think she expected to get more than a laugh and be on someone else’s team.
She, of course, expects to go home, but does her best to point them at Brian and Amber, and Amber, who has never written a winning hook, leaves. It’s clear that Jackie is one of the better writers there, so they want her to stay, but if this happens again, she’s gone. And should be gone.